Monday, November 14, 2011

What do you think of this story beginning?

Honestly, in the first paragraph and a half, I thought it was going to be dumb. Fabio is repeated way too much! But you managed to build the suspense well as the story went on and it ended well. Some physical description of the mother in the begining would help us to visualize her. When she sees Ben at first I wasn't sure if he was a husband/lover, son or brother.

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